this is my confession

so here goes....

I write a blog that literally, nobody reads.  (but that's not my confession)

I know it's nothing personal.

( Maybe it is???   I did shower today...   I put on deodorant...    My clothes are clean...   My perfume smells nice...    I'm looking pretty foxy today....  Maybe I just haven't advertised enough??? )

Well, maybe it is personal that nobody reads my blog. I get it! I am not the best blogger in the universe but I am getting the feeling that just like My Space (y'all remember that don't you?), Blogging will the thing we once did because it made us look awesome. (It's my testimony that Facebook will soon follow).

With all of our awesome layouts and witty post, we could create and look like a bad-ass. Forget being great at sports or learning to a new talent, instead it's "Have you read my Blog lately? I just put up a new post."  Plus, we could prove to everyone else that our kids were most definitely awesomer (and yes that is a real word) than anybody elses kids. Blogging is the "Look at How Much Better WE are than YOU" Christmas letter... all year round. There are blogs with "Guest Post" because that blog is just too amazing for the author to write their own post all of the time. And there are SAHM (stay at home Mom's- which I am not one of) who blog about there lives and get paid for it. Many blogs out there for "deep thinkers" and the ever awesome "HomeMakers!" (you know! those blogs that have crafts, food, homemade clothes and hairstyles for your little girl. The blogs you get sent to from Pintrest.) But not me, I am just Honey, a girl with a blog that nobody reads.

Now I'm stalling....

I have a confession.... (DEEP BREATH) here goes:

I wrote a book.

WOW! That feels so much better!!!

I wrote a book... but then so has everyone else.

As a child, I could never really decided on what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was more concerned about making it to adulthood than anything else. So what did I want to be when I grew up and made it to adulthood? At one point, I wanted to be a doctor but then I realized what I had to tell my doctor and I didn't necessarily want to hear that coming from someone else mouth. I thought "I'll be a Nurse!" but then I didn't want to see whatever they had just told there doctor, coming from their mouth. I wanted to be an astronaut for a really long time but then Math and I are like the BP oil spill off of the Gulf Coast a few years back.... we will never mix, we must stay away from each other because we don't belong together and the effects that result from it, can destroy ecosystems. That is how bad I am at Math (it's the one class that has kept me from getting my Associates Degree, I just can't pass the Math Class).

So back to this book thing... out of everything I have ever wanted to be, I have always wanted to be a writer. I have been reading since I was 3 and I read an average of 30 books a year. However, this year I am not doing too good with my reading.  Sorry, I am sidetracking. So I love to read and I love to write. I have a few short stories saved on my computer and I have always had positive feedback from friends and family who have read them. But then, they are my family and they are the ones who tell me: "No, those spandex pants not make your thighs look huge!!! You're not FAT, you're just extra curvy!"

I started blogging, what little I did of it, a few years ago all before I was sucked into Facebook. I found that I could keep in touch with my friends and family a whole lot easier (and more privately)through Facebook and my blog got put to the wayside.  (I totally just checked my Facebook page just now! haha!) I started to blog for various reasons. Most especially because I like writing and blogging is a great out. But then I don't think I have enough fingers and toes to count on to show how many blogs out there are so much better, wittier and awesomer than mine.  I am just Honey, a girl with a blog.

(PS I am the Master of DEFLECTION. If you look it up in the dictionary it will show a picture of me! and if you still don't believe me, just ask Hotstuff.)

So I wrote a book and it scares me too death that I have.  This, writing, has been my passion since I was a young girl. I have always wanted to write and be a famous author. I knew that I could never and will never write the "Great American Novel" because it has already been done a hundred times. No, I just want to write non-fiction stories. I want to write something that readers won't be able to put down. I want them to devour my words. I want to write something they can see in their minds and live. I want to entertain. I don't necessarily have some "meaning of life/artsy" message in my writings, I just want to write what I feel.

Last year, between a full time job and a double full time life, I was able to write my first novel. It took almost 10 months but I did it. And I have had so much fun with it. I have loved loved loved writing! Now comes the best part ever... (drum roll please)... EDITING!!! (Insert happy dance here!)

So why am I scared?

Just like my blog, there is someone else's blog that is so much better and everyone has one. Amazon has made it easy. You write a story, have an Amazon Account, press upload and Voila! You are hear by a writer. Congratulations! Fitzgerald, Rowling, Bronte, Austin, Larsson, King and Many Many Many others wait with open arms for you to join their ranks.

Let me tell you, I have read some real CRAP from people who publish off of Amazon. I mean, I wouldn't even feed it too anyone who was dying of starvation because that is how horrible and frustratingly stupid some of that stuff is. Seriously, I want the time I spent reading that stuff and my money back. I have had to stop reading some novels because it was pure $#!T. NO editor needed. Just write, spell check and upload.

I really don't want anyone to think that of what I have written. I really don't want to be one of those writers that have my book show up in the "More Items to Consider" category on Amazon is because the customer viewed a hundred different brands of toilet paper. I am scared because, this is what I want and I am not sure of how to complete this. I don't have the time or money to go out and get an agent. Like I wrote earlier: I have written a book... but then so has everyone else. I am scared to death to once again, stand in someone else's shadow.

So I have made my confession on a blog that nobody reads. I've made my confession here, because I know that it's safe. No one is going to read this and that's okay.

I have written a book and I am just Honey, a girl with a blog.