An attitude of Gratitude... conclusion

So here it is a month later and I am now finishing my November Thank Yous! The last week of November I was slammed with a lot of things and wasn't able to find the time to blog at all. Then the Christmas season started and I still had no time.
I do realize this post is going out after Christmas but atleast I haven't forgotten and I am finishing what I have started.

I can't remember all the little things I had been grateful for in that last week but as I reflected daily upon those things I was grateful for, I saw so much more.

When I began to look for those many things to be grateful for my day felt complete. My month went by with a greater happiness.

I have a lot to be grateful for. So much more than what I blogged that month. Sometimes I couldn't decided what to blog about.

I counted my blessings and I found I couldn't count them all.

#23 Hotstuff

He is the peanut butter to my jelly... the ping to my pong... the ying to my yang... the light to my dark... the good in all of my bad.

He is my better half... my lover... my teacher... my husband... my Hotstuff.

He makes me laugh.

He constantly surprises me.

This is my Hotstuff.

He is mine and I am his. He makes me better. For that reason and so many more, I love him. There are no words to express how grateful I am to have him apart of my life.

I love my Hotstuff!

#22 Happy Thanksgiving!

On this beautiful Thanksgiving morning, I found myself in the desert of Price, Utah.

It was about 29 degrees and I was about to run 8 miles. As the 2nd Annual Turkey Trot started, I looked around me and was humbled by the wonder and beauty I was surrounded in. At the end of this run, I was truly grateful for three things.

1. Mr. Teacher

This is Hotstuffs oldest brother (and three girls). 

When I signed up for the Turkey Trot, I thought it was just a 5k. Then when I double checked the info, it said it was a four mile course.
"No problem!" I thought. "Four miles is just a little more than a 5k and I can do this!"
Then I got to the actual race and the race was explained at the start. The race wasn't 4 miles, it was 8! The halfway point was at four miles. The great part about this Turkey Trot was you could go at your own pace: run/walk, ride; and you could go as far as you wanted. There was no first, second or last place. This was a fun run on a Thanksgiving morning.

I decided to run the whole thing... well, technically, I ran six and walked two. But I did all eight miles. So now, you must wonder what my run and Mr. Teacher have anything to do with one another. Well, here goes:

Mr. Teacher has taught me that when you are given no limits, you can accomplish anything. I realized as I was running through the desert that if I limited myself to a certain number of miles, I was going to struggle. He came to my mind and I knew that if I just ran and listened to my body, I could accomplish anything.

I accomplished eight miles.

#2 Willis Van Gough

This amazing woman in Willis Van Gough. She is an artist, wife, mother, grandmother, runner/athlete and super awesomeness! She is the one who puts together the Turkey Trot every year and this year she became my running buddy.

(The last two photos, courtesy of Willis Van Gough)

She was a great running buddy and were are now signed up for a half marathon in March. We kept pace with one another and I made it all eight miles with her by my side.

#3 "For the Beauty of the Earth"

(Last photo courtesy of Willis Van Gough)

 

I believe that when God created the world, he took his time in Carbon County Utah. It is a beautiful desert, no matter how hot or cold. I found a deep appreciation for this beautiful creation, the Earth, that I have been blessed with. I love the great Northwest and all its trees. I love the beach and the way the warm sand feels on my feet. I love the desert and the mountains. The entire earth is a mystery and a wonder. This Earth a beautiful gift and I am grateful to live in it.

So after I have stuffed myself with Turkey, mashed potatoes and pie; I sat back and realized the many great gifts that I have and the many more gifts to come to be grateful for.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

#21 Mom and Pop and Daniel Craig

I had the amazing opportunity to attend to 2nd Annual Turkey Trot in Price, Utah this week (more on that to come soon). I decided to go down and stay with my dearest friend and kindred sister, LJ. We decided to go out to dinner and a movie. We went out for dinner, received horrible service and missed the 7 pm movie.
Since she had a sitter for her kids, we decided to go to the late movie and see Skyfall, the new James Bond movie. We double checked the times and knew that there was a 930 playing. Once we finally got done with dinner, we headed over to the theatre. Once we arrived, to our dismay, there was no 930 showing of Skyfall and there was nothing else good to see. 

We talked for minute, totally at a loss of what to do and the owner of the theatre looked at us and said: "If you guys want to watch Skyfall, I can start it up again at 930."

So just for us, the owner of the theatre gave us a private showing of Daniel Craig! I mean, Skyfall. (Which is an awesome movie by the way! It is a must see!!!)

 If I had gone a BIG theatre ( *cough cough Cinemark *cough cough) and missed the time the movie started then I would have missed the movie all together, no one would have offered to show it again. Plus my 32 oz soda and skittles only cost me $4 not $8.  The consideration, courtesy and personal service is something that is forgotten these days.  So I am truly grateful for small businesses, those mom and pop shop that are willing to treat you like you are important enough.

#20 Mr and Mrs Orng Crushr

Today I am most grateful for this awesome couple!

 

 

Mr. and Mrs. Orgn Crushr are about to become legal! This cute couple is just about to get hitched. Mr. Crushr is Hotstuff's younger brother and because of his job, he spends a great deal of time out, away from home. When Mr. Crushr comes home, it's a BIG deal and there is so much to be grateful for that he is home.

 

I have had the awesome privilege of getting to know Mrs. Crushr in the last year. Family means a great deal to me and getting to know Mrs. Crushr has been wonderful. I am grateful for the times we have had to get to know each other. I consider her a dear friend and sister (even if they aren't legal yet.)

 

Out of respect for their privacy and the current circumstances of their life, I can't tell you much more about this cute couple. But they are loved, missed and I am grateful that they are apart of my life. 

#19 Music of the Night

I went for my Monday run last night. Once again, I was grateful for this run.

 

But it's time for another confession....

 

I love music!

 

I have a very small addiction to Amazon.com, where I purchase about 98% of all of my music. (Disclamer: the only time I purchase from iTunes is when I recieve a gift card. I am not a fan of iTunes at all.)

 

I love Pandora.com. and the variety I can get from that website. I have discovered some great music from there. 

 

I never go anywhere without my iPod touch and I would be lost without it. I couldn't run. I have a playlist called: Run Fatty!, the playlist I listen to when I run.

 

Run Fatty! includes:

Anna Sun- Walk the Moon

Build God, Then We'll Talk- Panic at the Disco!

Up Up & Away- Kid Cudi

Lose Yourself - Eminem

Sweet Dispostion- The Temper Trap

X Amount of Words (live)- Blue October

Shiver- Coldplay

and 25 more awesome songs.

 

I am all about good music!

 

I am a fan of Miles Davis, Billy Holliday, Miles Davis, Frank Sinatra and many others. I LOVE Opera and classical music. I love religious hymns. I love rock and roll. I grew up in the Great Northwest, where Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden and all things grunge shaped my generation, changing music. (Sorry all you hair band fans!)

 

Music is a great power in our world and can inspire. I am grateful that I can hear music; that I can feel it. There is freedom in music.

 

I am grateful for the sound of music and the possibilities it creates.

 

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“If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it;”
― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

#18 S-E-X

I know...

This looks really wrong...

I have all of these wonderful heartwarming post about family, friends and all things wonderful. Then I go and ruin it with a post about sex.

 But it is something that I just so happen to be grateful for.

I am not going to bore you with any details and I am not going to be a prude about it either.

I am grateful for SEX!!!!

It is wonderful, amazing, fun, sweet, and did I mention that it is awesome!?!?!
There is pure power that encompasses sex. It has the power to create, to bind and it even has the power to destroy. I am grateful for the creation and for the binding that comes when I share myself with my Hotstuff. It strengthens our partnership and makes us better for each other.

I am grateful for sex and like I said... I won't bore you with the details.

#17 Brudder Matthew

Meet Hotstuff youngest brother:

Brudder Matthew

 

 (he is the tall one the middle being mobbed by the ones who love him)

 

He was able to have come home for a few days this month. He is the reason why we had two extra Thanksgivings this month but that is not why I am grateful for him. The reason why I am grateful for him is kinda complicated.

 

A couple of years ago, I was at a turning point in my life. Brudder Matthew was the drive behind the positive change that I made. I was able to see the good in myself and be able to stand up for myself. He made me stronger.

 

I am grateful for what happened and even though the positive change came from a negative experience, he was the only one who could have been the drive behind the changes I made. He is the one who could help me find the strength to know that everything is going to be okay. 

 

As Oscar Wilde once said: “Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.” 

 

Thanks Brudder Matthew for the strength that you gave me.

#16 Bubba Jones

I am so very grateful for my little boy- Bubba Jones

The other night, Bubba Jones was in the front room watching Phineas and Ferb. Everyone else was busy doing other things and I was bored. I decided that I wanted to spend time with him. I went out into the front room and he was on the couch. I cuddled up next to him but he didn't want me. He had finally had some time to be by himself and he didn't want company. I teased him for a while but finally he let up and the two of us watched Phineas and Ferb for a while cuddled up on the couch.

He is a miracle.

He has cortical dysplasia and every case is very different. But he has not let that stop him. He loves math and school. He is bright and imaginative. He is honest and funny. He sees things differently and has no fear to try new things.

He is a miracle and I am grateful to be his Momma.

#15 Food, Glorious Food!

I love food and I love to eat.

But most recently, I have not been able to enjoy eating. It has become a painful and naseauting experience each time I try to.

My most favorite food is my mother lasagna. I know exactly how she made it but I cannot make it taste the way she did.

I love fruits and their sweetness. I don't think I have met a vegietable that I haven't liked... except eggplant (and maybe a couple others). I love POTATOES and TOMATOES! I have a sweet tooth that I need to do better at controlling.  I am a tree hugger but still enjoy a great steak every so often.

I am always trying new things in the kitchen. I am even experimenting with baking. GASP!!!

Like I said earlier, I am no longer find joy in food. So this Thanksgiving, I am grateful for food. I am grateful for the taste of peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, bread, turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, pies in all their variaties and any other favorites that I have forgotten to mention.

I am grateful that even though I can't eat, I know that I have been bleesed with a bountious table full of wonderful things that tempt my tastebuds.

#14 I love to laugh

My Wednesday started with laughter and didn't stop all day.

I love laughter.

I love the giggles of small children. Most especially when they are being silly or being tickled. I love a great story that makes everyone laugh.

I love to laugh until I can't breath.

Laughter invovles every muscle, every breath and is great for the soul.

I am grateful for laughter today because... I don't know, I guess I have never stopped to think about why I am grateful for it or why I love it. All I know is that laughter really is the best medicine to cure the hurt and pain.

I love to laugh and I am grateful for it.

#13 A mothers love

To be fair, I can't do a post about Dad without doing a post about Mom.

Meet my Mother.

 This last October, marked 9 years since she passed away.

I miss her.

It doesn't matter how old you will be, you will always want your Mommy.  She brought me into this world and rasied me. She taught me how to read and write, how to cook and how to be a good homemaker. She taught me what to do and what not to do when it came to family. She was very athletic and a mechanic. I have a lot of good memories of her and a lot of bad memories.

She fought her demons everyday but now she is at peace.

Meet my Mom.

This beautiful woman is my Mom. I couldn't tell you about the first time I met her because I don't remember. Just like Dad, it was like she wasn't there one day and the next she was. She is an incredible hard worker. My last Thanksgiving with my Mother, we had 15 or more people over. Mom couldn't make it because she had to work. She came over after work and I remember her sitting down on the couch exhausted and ready to cry. She had missed out on Thanksgiving.

I remember that so very vividly because that is how I feel on a daily basis. She had gone to work outside her home and had done it for her family. Dad was going to school to become a teacher and Mom became a bread winner. I watched as she came into the house and sat down. Even though she was exhausted and ready to cry, I knew she was happy to be with her family. She was truly grateful to be with them... even if she had missed the turkey.

She has been the example of what I needed to show me that we might miss out on the Turkey but there is always joy in Motherhood. She is never afraid to tell me how it is, even when I don't like what she has to say. Because what she has to say is the truth.

I remember the day that I stopped feeling like an orphan. It was a sunday. I had gone up to spend a long weekend in Seattle with Mom and Dad. Church wasn't until the afternoon and Dad had early morning meetings. I was sleeping on the couch and he stopped to tell me that Mom was in bed and the spot next to her was open.

Now let me explain something... my parents have the most AMAZING bed ever! Now I don't covet but this is something that I am dire need of repenting of. So back to my story....

I got up quickly and ran into the bedroom. I crawled under the covers next to my mom. We spent the next few hours just talking. In that morning, I no longer felt lost. I was no longer an orphan. For the first time in seven years and at the age of 28, I was found a place where I belonged.

 Everyone needs an anchor to their soul. Sometimes we need a couple of extra anchors. I have been blessed with more than one anchor and I have Mom and a Dad to be one of those anchors. For that, one cannot measure the gratitude because it is eternal.

#12 And where is the Body?

Back in September, I went to a Girls Night Out hosted by the hospital I work for. It is fair of sorts that focus's on womens lives and health issues. I had never been and I invited my friend Miss Marie to go with me. Every year our hospital holds a 5k and half marathon to raise money for cancer. We stopped a booth that was promoting that run. We both talked to the man at the booth about the run that will be held in June 2013. Miss Marie signed up to run the race and I thought to myself: "If Miss Marie runs off a cliff, I should totally follow her!"

Not really. She was excited about this half marathon and I got excited too! I have always wanted to run the 5k but I realized that there was nine months until this half marathon and I could get ready for it by then. There was another booth that we also stopped at that had training courses to help prepare for the half marathon. 

A 5k is a little over three miles... what's ten more?

I started running in the evening times with my neighbor and got up to 2.5 miles. I am almost to a 5k!!! But then.... my fibromyalgia kicked my ass one day. Then I dealt with whatever sickness that had plagued my Hotstuff. My running in the evenings became a distant memory. What has made it even harder on me is that I have NO ONE to train with. Miss Marie has a full plate and is no longer going to run. Hotstuff says running makes his knees hurt and anyone else thinks I am just crazy for running. I really need someone to pace with me. I can't seem to catch a break.

Last night, as with every Monday, the kids had gymnastics at our local rec center. Hotstuff and I both went to the oppurtunity to go work out while the kids did their gymnastics. I ran 2.5 miles for the first time in almost three months!

So today, I am grateful for that run. I was able to remind myself that I still can move and my body will not be defeat by illness. I felt that wonderful high as my body streamed along the track. My feet carried me along the blue floor. I felt weightless and powerful... even when I began to burn and beg for breath.

To quote the awesome song by Young the Giant: "My body tells me no, but I won't quit 'cause I want more."

#11 A father and a Soldier

Today, I am most grateful for this man here:

Meet my Dad.

And yes, he does look really young for having a daughter who is 30. That is because, he is only 42. Doing the math in your head doesn't really work. There really is twelve years between us.

Explanation: I am "adopted".

Many, many years ago, my own biological parents divorced. My father left us and I was raised by my mother. My mother had this incredibly beautiful friend, Granny M that I have known since I was twelve. She and her husband Papa M, took my mother into their hearts and welcomed her with open arms. In many ways, my mother became one of their own. Granny M passed away a few years ago but Papa is still with us.

A couple of years after meeting Granny and Papa, I met Dad. He had just left the military and moved back Oregon with Mom and Lil Brudder. I can't remember the first time I met him or Mom for that matter. It was as if one day they weren't there and the next they were. Everything about our relationships with one another felt very natural, as if we were simply picking up where we had left off. As the years went on, I would not have survived my teenage years without him or Mom.

They took me into their hearts and home, just as his parents did for my mother. I remember when I graduated from high school, as I walked off the stage I heard someone yelling at me. I turned to look and see Mom, Dad and Lil Brudder all cheering me on. When I moved to Utah, he and Mom threw me a last minute going away party (on Fathers day, a sunday and they put it all on the credit card! If that is not love, I don't know what to tell you). When I brought Hotstuff home to meet everyone, the day after he had met Hotstuff for the first time, we went over for dinner. He and mom hadn't returned from the store yet but the moment he walked in the door he told me we needed to talk.

I won't lie, I was nervous. I thought I was in big trouble! But we sat down, just the two of us and had a father-daughter talk that I will never forget. That is a cherished memory of mine and I know, that talk is what I needed to put me on the right path of marrying my Hotstuff. He put his arms around me and told me that I was the daughter he would never have. For that one simple statement has brought completion to my life.

Today is Veterans day and I honor those who have fought for this incredible nation. My dad is one of them.  I hope that he knows how much he means to me. It has taken me a very long time to no longer feel like an orphan. When I talk of home, they are apart of the home.

My kids call him Poppy but to me he is my Dad.

#10 Words, Words, Words

Saturday mornings, everyone pitches in and has assigned chores. While cleaning the front room yesterday, I started straightening the bookshelf and was amazed at all of the books that I had. Many I have read and a few of them I haven't. I have blogged a lot about reading and the books I have read. I just finshed three books this last week and am currently working on my fourth.

I took a moment yesterday and stood before my almost over flowing bookshelf and gave thanks to the beautiful written words that I hold. They are my words, those are my worlds, my laughter, my escape.

I love to read and I love to write.

Without the words on my shelves, I couldn't find inspiration. There is power in words and I am grateful for the power that comes with those words.

#9 Best Friends Forever

I spent the day looking for what I was most grateful for that day. I had almost resigned to just picking something random until I went bowling. 

Hotstuff and I have some friends with two small kids. We were neighbors and still attend church together. So Sargent Daddy called us and suggested that our families  all go bowling together. We met at the bowling alley and paid for our game. Sargent Mommy sat out while the rest of us got ready.

I was a little concerned that she wasn't playing. Sargent Mommy said that she wasn't feeling good and was really sore. Then she told me that she was pregnant! I am so excited to see there family grow again. 

Then she told me something that I wasn't expecting. She told me that she was really wanted to tell me that she was pregnant. She is not too far into her pregnancy and was excited to tell me about her happy news. I feel honored that she wanted to tell me. Late in the evening, I realized how grateful I was to be a friend and to have friends in my life.

I have been blessed with great women in my life to be my friends. They know my deepest secrets, my biggest dreams; they share my tears and laughter. They have watched me grow and learn. They have seen my triumphs,  my failures, my awkwardness and my victories.

They know who they are and all I can hope for is that I have been the great friend that they have been to me.

#8 Trust me... I'm a Doctor

 

Not that Doctor! (All though he is my favorite Doctor)

 

Hi, my name is Honey and I am a Diet Coke Addict.

 

But currently, I have strayed.

 

I am sorry.

I have been unfaithful.

 

I have been seeing another soda.

Let me explain.... I have been sick.

 

Really sick.

 

When I get sick Sprite and Gatorade is the way to go. But then I have this lingering sickness and though I am not contagious, my stomach doesn't want much of anything. Dr. Pepper is the one thing that doesn't make me nauseous (even when water does). Last year, I had another asthma flare up and I was sick for a month. I could barely eat anything but the one thing that gave me satisfaction was Dr. Pepper and a Granny B's Ginger Molasses's cookies. I could have both of those with causing any pain and I could keep them down.

 

When I go home to Seattle, I buy a twelve pack of Dr. Pepper and I split it with Lil Brudder.

 

So today, I am grateful for Dr. Pepper and all of it's fizziness. It makes my tummy feel better and reminds me of going home.

#7 Twice on the pipes... if the answer is no!

I am not really good at this blogging my gratitude everyday. So right now, double posting seems to work.

Yesterday morning, by 715 AM, I knew what I needed to be grateful for that day because I had complained the loudest about it.

I am thankful for Indoor Plumbing!!

 

I wasn't complaining about indoor plumbing per se.... I was complaining about the lack of privacy when I occupy my bathroom. This is something that I have discovered comes with the territory of being a mother. The moment you cross the threshold, the Christmas rush follows. No matter the industrial strength your lock might be, children use their mind powers to pick those locks. Children seem to believe that the only way to communicate is through the bathroom door. But this is something that only happens to mothers.... never the father.

Our days start very early at our house: 0615 AM. I woke up a little bit later and immedialtly jumped in the shower. I didn't lock the door behind me (even though that would have done me no good). I showered quickly and it seemed that everytime I tried to get out of the shower someone was trying to get into the bathroom. By the time I could finally get out of the shower, I was running 15 minutes behind schedule. Without fail, the next person comes in to get ready. With no privacy and a second bathroom, I have to fight to get ready every morning!!

Four people using one very small bathroom is not an easy task.

But I have a toilet that flushes, a sink that doesn't leak and a shower/tub with hot water.

#6 VOTE For Pedro!

 

 

 

 

 

I am blessed to live in a country that I can have a voice. It was designed so that I could have a voice. I choose if I want to be free or if I want live in bondage. I am a third generation American and I live in amazing country. Women before me didn't have this chance because they couldn't. Generations before me have fought so that I could vote and could do it without fear.

 

 

I am grateful for the country that I live in and that I have a voice. I don't have to fear when I go to the polls. I can hold my head high and vote how I feel.

 

I am grateful to be an American. I am grateful that I have a voice. I am grateful that I can and do vote.

 

 

 



#5 Mama called the Doctor

Today has gone by quickly and I accomplished very little. I paid just as much attention to finding my gratitude today as to how much I accomplished. So as I sit here, contemplating the thing that has made me grateful today, all I can come up with is my Pulmonologist: Dr. H

I know, that is really weird to be grateful for your pulmonologist but I am. You see, about three years ago, I was really sick. I couldn't breath and nobody could explain it. I started seeing Dr. H in 2009 and with the help a few other doctors, we discovered that my gallbladder was broken (and was forthwith removed), I had asthma and I was allergic to the Flu Shot.

I work in health care but I do not interact with patients. I sit behind a desk, that is hidden within the administration office. I interact with the public mostly by phone. Last year, my company made it mandatory that every employee must have a flu shot.

BUT I AM ALLERGIC!!!!!

So, I applied for an exemption. I was denied.

I got my flu shot and I immediately got sick. I went into Dr. H, we made sure that everything was properly documented so that the next year I wouldn't be denied.

"Next year, I will make sure that they know that you can't have this shot and to leave you the hell alone!" she said as I left her office.

Once again, Flu Shot season is upon us and once again: I was denied.

I immediately called her office but she is on call this week so her office is closed. But I spoke with her nurse and she was upset that I was denied. Apparently, my reaction isn't considered an adverse effect/allergic reaction by the CDC. I emailed Dr. H and so did her nurse.

I haven't heard back from her yet but I know that she will cannot be happy with our corporate office right about now. I am grateful to know that I have someone who cares. She is an amazing doctor, with a great smile and great sense of humor. It also doesn't hurt that her daughters are in girl scouts and sell me thin mints every March. I have faith in her that she is on my side and will be doing everything in her power to make sure that I am healthy and that I can breath. She is willing to fight for me.

She cares for me as person and not just her patient. For that, I am truly grateful.

#4 Miss May

 

I am not going to lie: I was angry when I found I was pregnant with Miss May.

 

I wasn't ready. I wasn't in a good place in my life. I didn't want to take the chance of having another miscarriage.

 

Three days after I found out that I was pregnant, my sweet sister in law lost her baby at 22 weeks.

 

Then, my mother died. I was 27 weeks pregnant with Miss May, when I got the phone call that my mother had passed in her sleep. Four days later, my biological father assaulted me. I missed my mothers viewing and because I was in the Labor and Delivery Trauma Unit for most of the night. We almost lost her. Her heart rate dropped and I experienced deep fear. Real ugly fear. I had just lost my Mommy and I was facing losing a second child. I took a deep breath... I can't remember if I prayed, I probably did. Then, her sweet swooshing heart beat once more filled the room.

 

She rescued me from my grief. She became a light and beacon to my life. She has tested every ounce of patience in me. She has pushed every limit and then some. She has been my teacher. She has brought sunshine and thunder to my life.

 

She has never been a cuddly child but she is the most loving. She learned to crawl at 5 months and was walking around the furniture at six months. By nine months she was walking and at a year, she was running. She is one of the smartest (and most cunning) people I know. She is an old soul and has wisdom and strength that is powerful.

 

And I am grateful that I get to be her Momma.

#3 The Good Life

I seriously believe that God is trying to tell me something. I know that he is constantly teaching me but right now, I believe that he is telling me.

What is this thing that God is telling you? You might wonder.

For a long time now, I have many experiences where I am walking away from them with the impresssions of:

 

Be Grateful

 

Count Your Blessings

 

Life is better than you think.

 

Be Aware of all that you have.

 

It's going to be Okay.

This morning I awoke in search of what I was grateful for. My list went on and on (it's a good thing I still have the rest of the month to cover them all) but nothing satisfied me. So this afternoon, the kids and I went grocery shopping and this awesome song came on. I listened to some of the words and realized what I was grateful for:

MY GOOD LIFE.

My life isn't bad. My life is good with the potential to get even better!

So please tell me what's there to complain about?

An Attitude of Gratitude

Fall is upon us.
The leaves have turned.
The candy supply is in full swing until February.
Halloween is over.
The Christmas music is now playing on the radio.

What!!?!?!?!?!?!?
CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!!!!!

Hello People!!! There is this little holiday between Halloween and Christmas called: THANKSGIVING.

Remember???

You know what I am talking about. Turkey, Cranberry sauce, mashed potatos, rolls, pies, pies and more pies. Stretchy pants and let us not forget the most wonderful Thanksgiving tradition of all: Football. I understand that the holidays come upon us quickly and pass even faster but seriously, you're starting your Christmas Holiday now??

Give November a chance!

So in the spirit of giving thanks, for the past two years I have taken every day in November to give thanks on Facebook. This year, because I don't have to worry about the number of characters, I have decided to blog my Thank Yous. Here I can tell you a whole lot more of why I am thankful.

So to catch up...

November 1
Today I am grateful for Nyquil and sleep.
Tuesday night I had a fever close to 103. I was really sick! My wonderful Hotstuff saved the day and ran to the store and bought me the only thing they really had left... Nyquil.
I took two tablets at 930pm and slept until 1230 the next day. My fever broke and I was able to get over most of what ailed me. All with the help of some Nyquil and 15 hours of sleep.

November 2
Today I am grateful for HOME.
This one is kinda hard to explain.I grew up just south of Portland, Or. and my adoptive parents live near Seattle. I have never lived a day of my life in Seattle but every time that plane touches down at Sea-Tac or PDX, I feel like I am home.  I have lived in the state of Utah for the last 11 years now. Eleven years later, I still feel like a tourist.
A couple of days ago, I recieved an email from my adoptive mom telling me about job openings at the Naval Shipyard. This job oppurtunity for Hotstuff (and our family) would be AMAZING!! But it would also mean that we would have to move to the Great Northwest. (Insert Happy dance here!) I shouldn't get too ahead of myself though, Hotstuff has only applied.
Meditating upon the many different ideas and scenarios in  my head about moving, for the first time ever... I have some reservations about going home to the Great Northwest. We have our children in great schools, my sister lives (80 miles) nearby, we both a lot of extended family in the state, we have good jobs and I have a job with great benefits. We have soooo much established here, why fix something that ain't broke?
As I said my morning prayers today, I prayed about some of this. I found myself grateful for so much. I realized as I prayed, that I will probably always feel like a tourist here in Utah. I may never find that satisfaction of living here and going home may never be an option. But going there.... going home with be an act of faith and trust in God. With all of that, I finally understood that HOME meant more than a place. HOME really is where your heart is and mine is with these wonderful people.

Smooth Sunday Sounds (posted on a Tuesday)

I  am a huge U2 fan and to prove my fandom: if the world ended tomorrow and I could only take one CD with me it would be The Joshua Tree album by U2.

One of my most favorite movies is a German film called: Faraway, So Close.

It's about an angel, Cassiel, who falls in order to experience a mortal life.  Below is a clip from the film.

So what do you get when my favorite movie and my favorite band collide???

This:
 Stay (Faraway, So Close)

 

(Sorry about the subtitles, it was the one I could find)

 

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...then the day would keep its trust
Stay...with the demons you drowned
Stay...with the spirit I found
Stay...and the night would be enough

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground

Just the bang
And the clatter
As an angel
Hits the ground

Simple Bare Neccesities

In the 10 years that Hotstuff and I have been married, we have not had two very specific things.

1. A dishwasher

and

2. Cable television

The Dishwasher....
   Every pot, every pan, every piece of silverware, every bottle, every last dish has all been soaked, scrubbed and washed by hand. We have lived in a few places and none of them had a dishwasher! You would think that a dishwasher was standard for all humble abodes but not the case for Hotstuff and I. For some reason, we haven't had the pleasure of a proper kitchen, let alone the advantage of a dishwasher.
   Our current apartment is two bedroom, one bath, 700 square feet of squishyness for four people. But when your rent is $500 a month you don't complain... too loudly or too much, you are just simply grateful for the roof over your head hasn't sprung a leak just yet.  This apartment complex was built back in the 70's; back in the day before microwaves cost over $500 but according to Wikipedia, dishwashers were standard back then.
   So what happened to us?!?!?
   Who knows but I have no sympathy for any child whose chore it is to load or unload the dishwasher. They will never know how a pot, pan, plate or cup really gets cleaned or how much time it takes to make sure every angle of a dish is scrubbed or the best way to get your dishes cleaned. It has been so long that I don't know if I could even load a dishwasher properly anymore. For now, we scrub by hand every dish, every utensil, every pot and every glass. I am anxious for that day when I  know that I will have truly made it is the day there is a dishwasher in my very own proper kitchen.

Cable Television...
   As newlyweds, you typically don't have the funds to have cable or much anything else. Hotstuff and I have found that Bruce Springsteen had the right idea with his song: "57 Channels and Nothing On."  We never had the desire for cable television but we never lapsed on our monthly membership to Blockbuster. Growing up, my family lived outside of town and the only television you could get was cable. No bunny ears on the planet could ever harness enough power for signal for your basic stations. You would need your own satellite dish just to make the snow on television take some shape.
  My mother got basic cable and I never really found anything worth watching. I never found much difference between what I get now on my digital television that picks up 23 channels and cable television that gave me 230 channels. We have learned to get along without it until.... cable got some pretty awesome shows.
   Okay... let me back up a bit. We have been able to get along without cable until Netflix.
   Sorry, I have to back up just a little bit more before Netflix. HULU!!!!
   STOP! I am getting way ahead of myself so let me go back to the beginning with the VCR.
   In the beginning there was the VCR and the Black Market but that is a story for another blog. Then came the VCR and Miami Vice and my mother thought it to be grand. You see, my mother had a huge crush on Don Johnson and she NEVER missed an episode of Miami Vice (cue theme music, speed boats, flamingos, bad hair do's and pink shirts).  She would record the show and then go back and watch it at a later time. So taking a page from my mothers book, Hotstuff and I had a few shows that we enjoyed and would do the very same. Press record, turn off the TV and once everything was said and done we could go back at a later time and watch our programs fast forwarding through every commercial. Our VCR later died and were S.O.L.
   The great idea of a DVR and TiVo would be ideal for our needs but that involves getting cable which equals more money leaving our pockets. So instead, we turn to the Internet.  HULU, is fabulous but most of my favorite programs are not available until eight days after it has aired. Leaving me perpetually one week/episode behind for the season. Enter Netflix and one of the many reasons I love Fall! Around the time that a new season begins Netflix (on the Watch Instantly menu) updates the shows with the episodes from the previous season. Some shows I can watch quickly enough and get all caught up just in time for the season premier so that I can once again be one episode behind for the new season.
   Then cable television gets some pretty awesome shows. For instance, DEXTER. I love this show!!! It is one of the most brilliant shows on television. Scratch that- It is the MOST BRILLIANT SHOW on television. We like this show so much that Hotstuff dressed up as Dexter for Halloween last year. But alas, this brilliant show on Showtime can only be accessed by cable television. No such luck on waiting the next day to watch it on HULU or the Showtime website. Leaving us forever a season behind. I have a couple of other favorite shows on cable that I thoroughly enjoy: True Blood on HBO and Leverage on TNT.
   While everyone else finds out how Sookie Stackhouse dealt with her break up with Bill and Eric and if she will finally decided which vampire is the true love of her life (which better be Bill Compton because he just is!) and who is this mysterious "authority", I must wait to find out months later when the new season starts. Then someone told me the ending of the last season of Dexter and the suspense is KILLING ME!!!! Because I know and I was waiting for it to happen and I didn't think it would happen and I am shocked it happened but did it have to happen? and how did it happen?

So what do Dishwashers and Cable Television have to do with anything????

   They both happen to be standards in almost every home. Our standards and priorities have changed from twenty years ago, when cable was a luxury and not a necessity. Washing my dishes by hand doesn't bother me. Yes it is inconvenient and takes time. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to just load a dishwasher up, put the soap in, press a few buttons and walk away. All of that would save me (and my Hotstuff because he does the dishes too!) a lot of time, leaving us free to do more.
Not having cable doesn't bother me either. I have gotten used to being behind a season or a week in my favorite shows but I have ways of watching those shows so that I don't have to sit through commercials and I can watch them at my convenience. I am not bound to the time table that my television station dictate. By not having these simple bare neccesities, I have been able to let go and find more important things that give structure to my life- my family.
  
   In ten years time will we have cable? Probably not and that is okay but I damn well better have a dishwasher.

Beaten with a bag of nickels

I have Fibromyalgia.

It is a very painful condition that affects my entire body.

I first learned of this condition about 11 years ago from a friend of mine who has this same disease. She described the pain as if she had been "beaten with a bag of nickels." I wasn't able to comprehend the idea of her pain but the thought of being beaten with a bag of nickels did sound painful.

One night, when Miss May was a little over a year old, I came home from the gym after a good workout. I laid down on the couch because my legs were hurting. I chalked it up to my workout and maybe I just didn't stretch good enough. Two weeks later the pain hadn't gone away. It took over a year for the doctor to come to any conclusion: it was possibly Fibromyalgia or Sympathetic Neuromuscular Dystrophy. Because of insurance reasons, I was never able to rule out the MS but as the years have gone by all signs are pointing to Fibromyalgia.

I have lived with this disease for many years now and I have been blessed that I have been able to manage the pain. Through diet and exercise I have been able to keep going. I recently started to train for a half marathon in June of next year.

This last week has been hard. Harder than what it has been in a very long time. It really does feel like I have been beaten with a bag of nickels. I have been dealing with spasms in my neck and back. They way the muscles all connect I have pain in my chest muscles, making it hard to breath. Every sneeze, every cough, every deep breath brings a great deal of pain. The pain has been unbearable and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I haven't been able to manage any of the pain and have missed a lot of work.

I am grateful for this pain, though. As a dear friend once told me: "The pain reminds me that I am still alive."  Through all of this pain this week, I've found that I love my husband the most when I hurt the worst. I appreciate my children more and have been able to see them differently. I have been more patient with them. I have learned a great deal this week from the pain that I have been in. I have seen things I normally wouldn't have given a second thought to.

I feel like I have been beaten with a bag of nickels only to remind me that I am still alive.

Smooth Sunday Sounds

I have recently become a huge fan of Imagine Dragons. Not just because they are LDS (and I am too!) but I love their lyrics and music. While "researching" (okay, I was stalking!) this incredible band, I came across this beautiful song. My favorite line from the song: "You gotta get up... Reach, it's not as bad as it seems".


So here it is:

 Imagine Dragons  "The River"

this is my apology

WARNING!

 This post involves the nudity of my soul. Reader Discretion is advised!

To all of my imaginary readers (because no one reads this blogs so I pretend people do!),

Let me start by saying, always wear sunscreen.

I am the Queen of Deflection and if you graduated in 1999, you will understand my entry quote.

In  my last post, I miiiiighht have made some harsh statements.

Which ones? you might ask.

Oh, you know the ones!... What! Seriously! You are gonna make me write this out loud!?!?!?!?

*SIGH*

Okay.... and I quote: "Blogging is the "Look at How Much Better WE are than YOU" Christmas letter... all year round. Blah Blah Blah."

The Blah Blah Blah wasn't there but you get the point. I blog because it's an out and I enjoy it. I have my family blog that is the "Christmas Letter" all year round. I blog to brag too.

So if you are offended, I apologize.

The truth of my confession is in one little statement I made: "... just like everyone else."

I wrote something, that I love and have a desire to fulfill my dream of becoming a published author. Honestly, I want to be unique just like everyone else. I brag of my awesomeness hoping one day it will be real. (I am feeling super naked right about now.)

I am 5 foot 2 inches (the shortest in my family), have blond hair (but I haven't seen that color in years!) and blue eyes. I was a B average student in school. I married my Hotstuff when I was 19 and have two kids (with no plans of having anymore). I work full time. According to the BMI, I am overweight by about 30 pounds. Which, no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of it- thank you genetics! I can cook but I seriously can't bake! I come from a long line of women who can paint, draw, crochet and are pure perfection at anything related to the joys of Womanhood and Motherhood. They are the perfect homemakers. I can't crochet to save my life and that is not for the lack of trying. I can't draw and I can't paint. I am really lucky that my house is somewhat clean and I can whip up something quick and easy for dinner. That is if I have the energy after working. I am the Black Sheep of the women in my family. I have a brother with a Bachelors degree in Japanese and a sister with a Bachelors degree in English. I didn't finish my associates and I blame Math.

I have a very hard time finding anything special about myself except my writing. That has always been my one secret thing that I remind myself that that is mine and that what sets me apart from everyone else. Then my heart breaks to hear that "Oh, So and So has written three books!" or  "Oh, that author lives in my neighborhood and is best friends with my sister!" or "Oh, Imma writer too!". That is the sort of thing that takes the specialness out of me because I am just like everyone else or I am not as good as everyone else.

I know, the irony of my statements! Oi Vey! Do I or don't I want to be just like everyone else??

Let me explain that with 4 thoughts:

   1. I get that there are SIX BILLION people in the world and a lot of us are going to be similar. I don't want to be identified as a number (ie. my SSN, my employee number, my membership number, etc.) and become lost in the mix. I want people to know that I am more than just a number, I am Honey.
   2. I understand that I am not the only writer in the world and I will face competition that can only make me stronger if I choose.
   3. I want someone to get excited about me. I want them to be excited about me and my writings. When I see them talk about someone else's writing or even their writings, I want them to be that excited about mine. I don't share with many about my writings because I fear that pat on the head of "oh, how nice for you dear," while they go on about someone else.
   4. In a size 1 fits all world, I am a size 3.... but I really want to be a size one. It would make buying jeans easier.

So I hope you understand me just a little bit more and are not so offended. Because your blog really is awesome.  But trust me on the sunscreen.

this is my confession

so here goes....

I write a blog that literally, nobody reads.  (but that's not my confession)

I know it's nothing personal.

( Maybe it is???   I did shower today...   I put on deodorant...    My clothes are clean...   My perfume smells nice...    I'm looking pretty foxy today....  Maybe I just haven't advertised enough??? )

Well, maybe it is personal that nobody reads my blog. I get it! I am not the best blogger in the universe but I am getting the feeling that just like My Space (y'all remember that don't you?), Blogging will the thing we once did because it made us look awesome. (It's my testimony that Facebook will soon follow).

With all of our awesome layouts and witty post, we could create and look like a bad-ass. Forget being great at sports or learning to a new talent, instead it's "Have you read my Blog lately? I just put up a new post."  Plus, we could prove to everyone else that our kids were most definitely awesomer (and yes that is a real word) than anybody elses kids. Blogging is the "Look at How Much Better WE are than YOU" Christmas letter... all year round. There are blogs with "Guest Post" because that blog is just too amazing for the author to write their own post all of the time. And there are SAHM (stay at home Mom's- which I am not one of) who blog about there lives and get paid for it. Many blogs out there for "deep thinkers" and the ever awesome "HomeMakers!" (you know! those blogs that have crafts, food, homemade clothes and hairstyles for your little girl. The blogs you get sent to from Pintrest.) But not me, I am just Honey, a girl with a blog that nobody reads.

Now I'm stalling....

I have a confession.... (DEEP BREATH) here goes:

I wrote a book.

WOW! That feels so much better!!!

I wrote a book... but then so has everyone else.

As a child, I could never really decided on what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was more concerned about making it to adulthood than anything else. So what did I want to be when I grew up and made it to adulthood? At one point, I wanted to be a doctor but then I realized what I had to tell my doctor and I didn't necessarily want to hear that coming from someone else mouth. I thought "I'll be a Nurse!" but then I didn't want to see whatever they had just told there doctor, coming from their mouth. I wanted to be an astronaut for a really long time but then Math and I are like the BP oil spill off of the Gulf Coast a few years back.... we will never mix, we must stay away from each other because we don't belong together and the effects that result from it, can destroy ecosystems. That is how bad I am at Math (it's the one class that has kept me from getting my Associates Degree, I just can't pass the Math Class).

So back to this book thing... out of everything I have ever wanted to be, I have always wanted to be a writer. I have been reading since I was 3 and I read an average of 30 books a year. However, this year I am not doing too good with my reading.  Sorry, I am sidetracking. So I love to read and I love to write. I have a few short stories saved on my computer and I have always had positive feedback from friends and family who have read them. But then, they are my family and they are the ones who tell me: "No, those spandex pants not make your thighs look huge!!! You're not FAT, you're just extra curvy!"

I started blogging, what little I did of it, a few years ago all before I was sucked into Facebook. I found that I could keep in touch with my friends and family a whole lot easier (and more privately)through Facebook and my blog got put to the wayside.  (I totally just checked my Facebook page just now! haha!) I started to blog for various reasons. Most especially because I like writing and blogging is a great out. But then I don't think I have enough fingers and toes to count on to show how many blogs out there are so much better, wittier and awesomer than mine.  I am just Honey, a girl with a blog.

(PS I am the Master of DEFLECTION. If you look it up in the dictionary it will show a picture of me! and if you still don't believe me, just ask Hotstuff.)

So I wrote a book and it scares me too death that I have.  This, writing, has been my passion since I was a young girl. I have always wanted to write and be a famous author. I knew that I could never and will never write the "Great American Novel" because it has already been done a hundred times. No, I just want to write non-fiction stories. I want to write something that readers won't be able to put down. I want them to devour my words. I want to write something they can see in their minds and live. I want to entertain. I don't necessarily have some "meaning of life/artsy" message in my writings, I just want to write what I feel.

Last year, between a full time job and a double full time life, I was able to write my first novel. It took almost 10 months but I did it. And I have had so much fun with it. I have loved loved loved writing! Now comes the best part ever... (drum roll please)... EDITING!!! (Insert happy dance here!)

So why am I scared?

Just like my blog, there is someone else's blog that is so much better and everyone has one. Amazon has made it easy. You write a story, have an Amazon Account, press upload and Voila! You are hear by a writer. Congratulations! Fitzgerald, Rowling, Bronte, Austin, Larsson, King and Many Many Many others wait with open arms for you to join their ranks.

Let me tell you, I have read some real CRAP from people who publish off of Amazon. I mean, I wouldn't even feed it too anyone who was dying of starvation because that is how horrible and frustratingly stupid some of that stuff is. Seriously, I want the time I spent reading that stuff and my money back. I have had to stop reading some novels because it was pure $#!T. NO editor needed. Just write, spell check and upload.

I really don't want anyone to think that of what I have written. I really don't want to be one of those writers that have my book show up in the "More Items to Consider" category on Amazon is because the customer viewed a hundred different brands of toilet paper. I am scared because, this is what I want and I am not sure of how to complete this. I don't have the time or money to go out and get an agent. Like I wrote earlier: I have written a book... but then so has everyone else. I am scared to death to once again, stand in someone else's shadow.

So I have made my confession on a blog that nobody reads. I've made my confession here, because I know that it's safe. No one is going to read this and that's okay.

I have written a book and I am just Honey, a girl with a blog.

Is that a letter in your bag for me?

   It's been almost a year since I have written anything on my blog. I started this second blog as a personal outlet. I have my family blog and since I enjoyed writing and some of the things that I write aren't too family blog friendly, I started a second blog.

   So now have a confession to make:

I am such a HYPOCRITE!!!

   For my birthday, Hotstuff sent out invites to everyone that we knew to come for my party. He invited over a hundred people (that live in the state) and instead of 75ish people that we were expecting about 25 showed up (we have been living off of left overs for the last week!). He also sent out a message inviting everyone to send me a message about the things that they love about me. Once again, he got a very small response. Hotstuff was dissapointed. He really wanted to fill every page of the book that he had bought me with notes from people.

(Me reading one of the notes from friends on my birthday)

   Later that night, he and I talked. He felt bad that more people didn't send me a note. I wasn't worried and I wasn't offended because I know that I am loved and I know that I mean something to my friends and family. Just because I didn't get a note from someone doesn't mean that they don't love me. It just means that I have loved ones who took the time to tell me that they love me.

   We now live in a world where writing has become a lost art. Instead of letters and cards, we send a message on facebook or send a text. Less and less do we actually, really, truly take the time to send a hand written note, just because. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's just easier to just send a quick message through technology. But when was the last time you held a real piece of paper in your hands from someone who loves you? When was the last time you let someone know that you love them?

   We use our technology to do the talking for us and sooner (rather than later) we will become a distant society. Never communicating with each other. Never expressing our love for one another with sincerity. Our relationships will not be as strong and the bases for them will be on what our technology will do for us.

   So why am I a hyprocrite??

   Because it has been almost a years since I have blogged and I am not the most perfect person at sending out notes and cards to those I love. Because I believe what I have written is the truth and I don't take as much time as I should to show others my love for them more personally.  I use facebook and text to send messages, probably more than I should.

   Our relationships help us define our lives and who we are. My idea is not to scold or give a guilt trip. My idea is to inspire and remind that our words on paper still mean something.