The Walking Porn

I am a mother.
I have two children and the oldest is a beautiful girl; Miss May.

 Just recently, the topic of  modesty has become a huge discussion in our home. Miss May is 10 years old and is growing up. I have two years left of a little girl before I get a teenager and that teenager will be greeting this world in full force.

Confession: I had an eating disorder when I was a teenager.

I hated my body... I kinda still do. I was poor and most of what I wore was very outdated and not flattering. Imagine Harry Potter receiving his cousins Dudley's over sized, old and tattered clothes... I was the female version of that. At a time of my life that I should have been able to blossom, I wasn't allowed to. Both of my parents were very heavy and at some point in their lives, have topped the scales at (or close to) 300 pounds and I inherited the predisposition to being over weight. I didn't and still don't have that flat tummy, every woman is "supposed" to have. I carry my weight in my belly, hips, butt and thighs. Always have and always will. I grew up in a very abusive home where my life was completely dictated by my mother with a very strong religious influence. She was so controlling that I had no choice in anything I wore; including my underwear.

Did I rebel?

Hell yes, I DID!!!

Like I said, at a time in my life when I should have been able to blossom, I wasn't allowed to. I also did not have a body like the other girls. I so desperately wanted to be skinny that I didn't eat.

So what does my eating disorder have to do with modesty?? A lot.

Growing up, I was taught that certain articles of clothing were immodest: tank tops and shorts that did not go to or past my knees. Two piece swimming suits were a huge no-no and most of the time I had to wear a t-shirt over my one piece swimming suit in public. Push up/lacy, under wire... basically any bra that wasn't white and plain and underwear that were not granny panties were something that only a prostitute wore. Essentially, anything that exposed my skin with the exception of my lower legs, anything from the neck up and from the elbows down was immodest and sinful.

I was told that you were a whore if you wore a thong... and that was something that came from church leaders. To be fair, my mother used the word "whore" and my church leaders simply implied that.

The point I am trying to make is that I have never felt comfortable in my own skin and being able to express myself through my clothing was forbidden. High school is not an educational experience but a social experience and if you can't fit the social norm: Welcome To HELL!

My best friend Bullfrog and I have know each other since we were 12 years old. She was raised a baptist and over the 5 years of school we shared together, I saw her in pants twice. She was not allowed to wear pants; only dresses and the length had to come below her knees.

So what the big deal about what we wore?? Two words: WALKING PORN.

What we were taught was, we were and still are walking porn to all men. And we as women are responsible for how they think, feel and act. We are sinful, horrible, ugly and men are not responsible for their lustful thoughts or their actions. If we wore something immodest and a man has an improper thought about us, that is not the mans fault. They get a free pass from sin while we as women are condemned as whores for showing our ankles.

Just recently, the was a devotional given at BYU- Idaho by Elder Tad R. Callister of the presidency of the Seventy from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  His devotional is about modesty and it is a good devotional with great thoughts ( https://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/03/the-lords-standard-of-morality?lang=eng ). But.... this is what upset me:

"Women particularly can dress modestly and in the process contribute to their own self-respect and to the moral purity of men. In the end, most women get the type of man they dress for."

My personal translation to that: if you get raped, it was because of what you wore and it is your fault. If your husband ends up being a jerk, it's probably because you wore thongs and lacy push up bras. A young mans "moral purity" is your, the woman's, responsibility and not his.

If that is true, then please explain something to me. Many Muslim woman wear something call a Burka. This article of clothing covers the entire body of a woman; very little skin is shown, if any at all.

So according to the statement of: "women get the type of man they dress for" and if this woman (who is completely covered) is raped, is that her fault??

This mentality doesn't change or stop just because a girl has become a woman. This mentality is carried for all woman of all ages. Young, old, married or unmarried. This is for all woman of all ages and situations.

 In prepping for my soap box post and yes I am standing on my soap box, I came across this great website: http://www.beautyredefined.net/  and a blog post about modesty.

When we judge girls and women for the skin they are or are not showing, we are minimizing them to their bodies and repeating the same lies that females are only bodies in need of judgment and fixing. We are even perpetuating the shame-inducing belief that female bodies are sinful and impure, and must be covered to protect boys and men who can’t be held responsible for their thoughts or actions.
 (http://www.beautyredefined.net/modest-is-hottest-the-revealing-truth/)

Are we teaching our sons that is okay to objectify woman and that it is okay to do so because he has no control or responsibility for his thoughts or actions?  What is being taught to our sons? What are we doing to our daughters self esteem when we place such a heavy burden upon them?

Without any doubt, modesty is important. I am not saying that it isn't.  Modesty is something that is individual and a choice we make for a ourselves and not others. We are all responsible to ourselves for our dress.... male and female. We can influence the thoughts of others but you are not responsible for someone else's thoughts or actions. Someone else can influence your thoughts, too. Ultimately, you are the one responsible for how you think, act and feel. How we dress can influence us individually in how we think, feel, act and carry ourselves. Let's face it, we feel more confident when we are dressed right.

So what am I teaching my daughter? I am teaching her that she has a body and that body is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing and sacred gift from God and should be treated as such. Miss May has dressed herself since she was 3 years old. I am not going to crush her creativity because I want her to find expression in what she wears. I want her to be able to be comfortable in her own skin. I don't want her to feel like she has to cover her shoulders because she will be in trouble or  think she is committing a sin if she doesn't. I want her to chose to cover her shoulders. I want her to make her own choices and be her own person. Ultimately, Hotstuff and I do have "Veto Power". If she has something that is not appropriate, we tell her that and explain why she can't wear it. And that explanation is not that what she wears makes her walking porn.

I am teaching my daughter, that we all have bodies and those beautiful, wonderful bodies deserve the same respect that she has for her own body. No matter the gender! I am teaching my daughter not to objectify men and as she get older and begins to understand, I will be teaching her the importance of controlling her thoughts.

So what I am teaching my son? The very same things. I am teaching him that he has a body and that body is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing and sacred gift from God and should be treated as such. I am allowing him to make his own choices in what he wears. I want him to make his own choices and be his own person. I want him to also find expression through what he wears. Our "Veto Power" extends to Bubba Jones also, along with an explanation.

I am teaching my son, that we all have bodies and those bodies are to be treated with respect; no matter the gender! I am teaching my son not to objectify women and as he get older and begins to understand, he too will be taught about the importance of controlling his thoughts.

 I want my children to be a greater good for this world and that greater good begins within in them. I want them to have confidence, to be fearless. And I never want my children to feel less than what they are because of they way they are [not] dressed. I want and I encourage good choices made by my children.

I've made my confession, I've stood on my soap box and shared my thoughts. I didn't have the body or the wardrobe growing up. I never had the self confidence I deserved and a lot of damage was done. I still don't have the body and I am working on the wardrobe. I hope to one day realize the full potential of my self confidence to undo a lot of the damage that has been done.

K-i-s-s-i-n-g

I stumbled across this little video this morning.

(Don't worry, they are just kissing!) 

Twenty people are asked to kiss a total stranger. And the results are beautiful! No two couples, introductions, approach, kisses or experience is the same. Every couple approaches this encounter nervous but with very little hesitation. They each took the time to make it personal. There is laughter and pure joy from everyone.

 

So I began to ponder about how we unique every introduction and relationship is different. How personal do we make each encounter that we come across? There was real touch between many of these couples. How honest a kiss can make many of us.

Things to do when you turn 31

This is what 31 looks like...



Not too bad... considering I am now 31. (insert moan here!)  I know I am not "old" but still the whole "in my 30's" tends not to help one feel like a spring chicken anymore.

Sometime around April, I was taking a nice spring evening run when I was reminded of my birthday. I was turning 31 in June and all I could think was: "How in the hell did that happen?!?!?"
Turning 31 just appeared out of no where, and it hit fast. I am usually not one to dwell on age, well... I guess I didn't, until it mattered (meaning, I turned 29). When most people begin to dwell on their age, two things usually happen.

1- They accept their age, do nothing about it and accept their circumstances (and wallow in self pity about how old they are).

2- They do not accept their age as they live in denial and they go through a mid life crisis; which the likely results are ending up with some new model of a partner, car or boobs.

Me?

As much as I want the new boobs, I picked door #3.

3- you don't think about your age and you let life happen to you.

Okay, that is a half truth. I did think about my age but I let life happen to me. Turning 31 did not fill me full of those cliches, like: Try new things! Visit somewhere new! Be braver! Eat less, exercise more! or my personal favorite (to quote Stanley Tucci from the film Easy A): "Let's Bucket List this Bitch!"

My cliche: I found a renaissance or a renaissance found me.

I am only three and half months into this new year and what I have done, though it's not much, it's still a lot. So, as you approach your next birthday and Option 1 or 2 doesn't sound good, here is what I suggest doing:

 #1- Go back to college!
I went back to college. I didn't finish my degree when I went to college right out of high school but I knew that I needed to (one day) go back to school. After a series of bad days, a job offer in Alaska (which I, with dragging feet and tears, had to turn down) and a wedding; I sent in my admission application and once I was accepted, I quit my job. Going back to school, made me feel even older than what I already did but it gave me the advantage. I had years of experience and knowledge to fall back on. My first semester is almost over and I am getting decent grades but the new boobs are going to look even better when I hold up my degree  next to them.

 #2- Don't act your age
How old is too old?? But then you are never too old. Right?
I went back home to the good old Northwest for (another) wedding and spent time with my best friend Bunny and decided to be spontaneous. Involving an amazing studio called High Priestess (http://www.highpriestess.com/)... where I left with three new piercings.


         

and the awesome guy who made it all possible.


Apparently, I am doing things backwards. You get the piercings when you are in your twenties and take them out when you are in your thirties but then I think of my aunt who is in her 40's and pierced her nose a couple of years ago.

My renaissance stems from the total melt down I had one month after my birthday. I began to wonder who I was. I had no clue who I was and I felt a massive hole inside of me. I was 31 and having a life crisis. Things I wanted to accomplish, hopes and dreams that I once had where never going to be possible for me. I literally went from taking care of one household to another. I got married at 19 and became a mother two years later. Things you should do when you are in your twenties; go to parties, date lots of boys, be stupid, go skinny dipping, partake of certain substances, backpack through Europe, get a tattoo, find out who you are as an individual, all of those things, I would never have the chance to do.

Turning 31 and having a life crisis doesn't mean I have decided to go off the deep end, live in denial and end up with something I really don't need.  Instead I am taking this one day at a time. Taking the time to find out who I am. Doing things that I have always wanted to do but just in a different and better way. I will never have those "20's" chances but that doesn't mean that I don't have a chance. It just means that my chances have changed. Just like going back to school at the age of 31, I have the advantage.

Who said I have to act my age?

After all, age is just a number.

Thank goodness for Penis Envy!

This afternoon I was running a few errands on my way home from work. I haven't been feeling great and have been currently fighting a nasty cold. I was on my way to the store to get my prescription when I came up to a red light. I pulled up behind a jacked up beater of a truck and right behind me was a highway patrol man. I thought nothing of this until I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed Officer CHIP was playing on his computer. Then the horrible thought crossed my mind:

"OH $&%@#@*! My tags are expired!!!"

I remembered that my tags have not been renewed on my car. I played it cool and prayed I wouldn't get pulled over or that Officer CHIP was busy checking his Facebook Status. Then I looked ahead and noticed the truck in front of me. He too had not renewed his tags. In fact, the month of his tags was not even readable. The truck in front of me was high enough that the Officer CHIP got a good look at his license plates.

The light turned green and the line proceeded to turn left. I followed and the jacked up truck got ready to turn left onto another street. Just as the truck pulled into the turning lane: Officer CHIP hit his lights, followed the truck and pulled him over.

Now, I want Karma or what ever powers that be out there to know that I am not boasting. I am just grateful for the power of penis envy. Penis envy is what saved me from a ticket today.

An attitude of Gratitude... conclusion

So here it is a month later and I am now finishing my November Thank Yous! The last week of November I was slammed with a lot of things and wasn't able to find the time to blog at all. Then the Christmas season started and I still had no time.
I do realize this post is going out after Christmas but atleast I haven't forgotten and I am finishing what I have started.

I can't remember all the little things I had been grateful for in that last week but as I reflected daily upon those things I was grateful for, I saw so much more.

When I began to look for those many things to be grateful for my day felt complete. My month went by with a greater happiness.

I have a lot to be grateful for. So much more than what I blogged that month. Sometimes I couldn't decided what to blog about.

I counted my blessings and I found I couldn't count them all.

#23 Hotstuff

He is the peanut butter to my jelly... the ping to my pong... the ying to my yang... the light to my dark... the good in all of my bad.

He is my better half... my lover... my teacher... my husband... my Hotstuff.

He makes me laugh.

He constantly surprises me.

This is my Hotstuff.

He is mine and I am his. He makes me better. For that reason and so many more, I love him. There are no words to express how grateful I am to have him apart of my life.

I love my Hotstuff!

#22 Happy Thanksgiving!

On this beautiful Thanksgiving morning, I found myself in the desert of Price, Utah.

It was about 29 degrees and I was about to run 8 miles. As the 2nd Annual Turkey Trot started, I looked around me and was humbled by the wonder and beauty I was surrounded in. At the end of this run, I was truly grateful for three things.

1. Mr. Teacher

This is Hotstuffs oldest brother (and three girls). 

When I signed up for the Turkey Trot, I thought it was just a 5k. Then when I double checked the info, it said it was a four mile course.
"No problem!" I thought. "Four miles is just a little more than a 5k and I can do this!"
Then I got to the actual race and the race was explained at the start. The race wasn't 4 miles, it was 8! The halfway point was at four miles. The great part about this Turkey Trot was you could go at your own pace: run/walk, ride; and you could go as far as you wanted. There was no first, second or last place. This was a fun run on a Thanksgiving morning.

I decided to run the whole thing... well, technically, I ran six and walked two. But I did all eight miles. So now, you must wonder what my run and Mr. Teacher have anything to do with one another. Well, here goes:

Mr. Teacher has taught me that when you are given no limits, you can accomplish anything. I realized as I was running through the desert that if I limited myself to a certain number of miles, I was going to struggle. He came to my mind and I knew that if I just ran and listened to my body, I could accomplish anything.

I accomplished eight miles.

#2 Willis Van Gough

This amazing woman in Willis Van Gough. She is an artist, wife, mother, grandmother, runner/athlete and super awesomeness! She is the one who puts together the Turkey Trot every year and this year she became my running buddy.

(The last two photos, courtesy of Willis Van Gough)

She was a great running buddy and were are now signed up for a half marathon in March. We kept pace with one another and I made it all eight miles with her by my side.

#3 "For the Beauty of the Earth"

(Last photo courtesy of Willis Van Gough)

 

I believe that when God created the world, he took his time in Carbon County Utah. It is a beautiful desert, no matter how hot or cold. I found a deep appreciation for this beautiful creation, the Earth, that I have been blessed with. I love the great Northwest and all its trees. I love the beach and the way the warm sand feels on my feet. I love the desert and the mountains. The entire earth is a mystery and a wonder. This Earth a beautiful gift and I am grateful to live in it.

So after I have stuffed myself with Turkey, mashed potatoes and pie; I sat back and realized the many great gifts that I have and the many more gifts to come to be grateful for.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!