I have decided I need to boob job. Plain and simple.
"Why?" you might ask. Truth be told, I need a way out of a speeding ticket.
"WHAAAAAAT!" you might exclaim. Yes, in all my cuteness and honesty I have never gotten a warning for speeding. Just the ticket.
Yes, I see that puzzled look on your face. To be fair, yes I was speeding but I didn't realize that I was.
You're still confused.
Last week, I was on my way to an evening appointment. I noticed the traffic was heavy so I decided to take the back road and avoid any delays. Heading west, I started down the back road where the speed limit is 35 mph. About two miles down the road there is a major 4 way stop and less than a mile after that there is a light. After the light, the speed limit turns to 25 mph... or so I thought.
Heading west down the back road, I crossed through the four way stop and headed towards the light. Thinking the speed limit was 35, I drove towards my appointment. I had no intentions on speeding- I just drove to my appointment and with a lot on my mind I was doing about 38 mph.
Ahead of me I noticed a car, faced in the opposite direction, turn it's light and engine on. I slowed down below 35. I had no way of knowing what the driver of the car's intentions were and I had already been in one accident this month, I really wasn't in the mood for another. There was barely enough space for the car to flip around into my lane and pull infront of me and this is one of those back roads where that happens quite frequently. As I passed the car I realized it was a police officer and he then flipped around into my lane behind me! No lights flashed or any other notions from him to pull over or that I was going to be pulled over at all. He followed me to the light.
I pulled up to the red light and waited. I noticed just after the light there was a sign posting the speed limit of 25 mph. The light turned green and I proceeded through the intersection. With the police officer still following (this is one of those"am I really in trouble? because I think my father just got home!" moments) I obeyed the 25 mph speed limit and just as I passsed the sign; his light flash and I was pulled over. Mind you, I was obeying the speed limit when he pulled me over!
Then there was the usual: "License and registration, please. Oh, and did you know that you were doing 13 over the speed limit!"
I thought: I could cry! No.... I really can't cry on demand and I wasn't wearing any waterproof mascara.What else I could do??? hmmm.... well, showing cleavage was totally out of the question. Because I don't have any! That's why!Even with my fantastic bra from Fredericks of Hollywood (amazing bras by the way!!) I still don't have anything to entice any male other than my Hotstuff. Besides that, it was way to cold to be taking off anything.
At this point, I have no other secret weapons (well, that are moral and legal) to get out of this so I might as well be honest.
The police officer explained to me that I was speeding. I apologized and explained that I did not realize that the section of road that I was just on was 25mph. I thought it was 35 until after you go through the light.
"Sorry, no," he said. "About 1500 feet from the stop sign there is a posting for 25 miles per hour." Later, when I told a few friends and Hotstuff about what happened, they did not even know that the speed limit was 25. All of them thought the same as I did, it was 35 until you get to the light and 25 after the light. I had driven a good half a mile doing 13 over the limit.
The office took my information and went back to his vehicle. I sent a text to my appointment letting them know I would be late. I patiently waited for the officer to return. Ten minutes later he finally comes back.
"Well, I am willing to work with you. This road is dark and we have a lot of people who ride their bikes and walk down the road. So instead of writing that you were doing 13 over, I am only going to put that you were doing 5 over."
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first time that my best friend got pulled over, she blubbered like a baby. The officer gave her a warning. She was doing 45 in a 25 mph school zone. My friend C, just recently got pulled over for doing 17 over in a construction zone, she didn't have her license and she was driving her boyfriends car. She got off with a WARNING!!! (No offense C- just using you as an example.)
Willing to work with me means, giving me a warning not a damn ticket! I kept my mouth shut and nodded politely because I knew that if I opened my mouth the next words out of them would be: " Looks like somebodys got a quota to fill!"
Besides that who in their right mind would even go down that back road?? It's Decemeber for crying out loud!
I quietly took my ticket and was told I could go. My mother raised me to be honest and I was. She also raised me that there are consequences to every action. I have been having a hard time understanding that anytime I have been pulled over, I have been honest and did not try to get out of it and I still end up getting a ticket. Honesty might be the best policy but I have decided that's not getting me very far.
This is where the boob job comes in. I figure with a "fuller figure" and some honesty it just might get a whole lot farther. Or at least a Warning.
Antique Rosette $5
