Massive life decisions are made for two reasons: desperation or necessity.
I made one out of desperate necessity: I went back to college because I needed to make a difference in my life and the life of my family.
Back in May of 2013, with tears in my eyes after my third meltdown in less than two days, I call my husband from work and asked if I could quit my job. Without going into too much detail, I knew that I needed to get out of my job when my friend remarked, that I was working in the most hostile work environment that she had ever heard of. I guess when your coworkers try to sabotage you, that could be considered a hostile work environment. My friends wasn't the only one who knew of my dilemma and who also made the same suggestion for me to quit. I didn't realize what was really happening to me until someone else told me.
Back in May of 2013, with tears in my eyes after my third meltdown in less than two days, I call my husband from work and asked if I could quit my job. Without going into too much detail, I knew that I needed to get out of my job when my friend remarked, that I was working in the most hostile work environment that she had ever heard of. I guess when your coworkers try to sabotage you, that could be considered a hostile work environment. My friends wasn't the only one who knew of my dilemma and who also made the same suggestion for me to quit. I didn't realize what was really happening to me until someone else told me.
In addition to the nightmare of my work environment, I had progressed as far as I could in my job/career. I couldn't move anywhere, no matter the knowledge that I acquired or the skills that I obtained; I was never going anywhere. I was stuck as I was and I was desperate to get out and move on.
Before the phone call to my Hotstuff, I had received a job offer from a hospital in Alaska less than two weeks before. After weekend of prayer, fasting and meditation; I had to decline this offer. It wasn't what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to go back to school to get my degree and my credentials. After that blubbery mess of a phone call to my Hotstuff, I put my affairs and paperwork in to order. I then put in my application for a university 80 miles north of where I lived and was accepted. Five semesters, 20 months of school and just as many finals, plus one massive student loan later- I have finally finished!
Before the phone call to my Hotstuff, I had received a job offer from a hospital in Alaska less than two weeks before. After weekend of prayer, fasting and meditation; I had to decline this offer. It wasn't what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to go back to school to get my degree and my credentials. After that blubbery mess of a phone call to my Hotstuff, I put my affairs and paperwork in to order. I then put in my application for a university 80 miles north of where I lived and was accepted. Five semesters, 20 months of school and just as many finals, plus one massive student loan later- I have finally finished!
How I feel today:
Towards the last 4 weeks of my last semester I felt a lot like this:
And my motivation at the end of each semester was this:
I knew going back wasn't going to be easy. I am married with two kids. Granted, my kids are not infants and can pretty much take care of themselves to a point... but they are still in my stewardship. Also, I didn't quit my job completely, I just moved into a different role- I became a part time (as needed) employee; which worked to my benefit. I went to school full time- 12+ credits every semester except one. I took seven credits one summer semester in which included ICD 9 and 10 diagnosis coding plus PATHOPHYSIOLOGY!- the hardest class I have ever had to take in my life. Most nights I didn't get to bed until after 11 pm. I learned some valuable time management skills. I took one vacation; the first one in two and a half years. My textbooks became the only books I read. I would go at least a day and half with out seeing my family, once a week.
In the time I went to school, I threw a bridal shower for my sister in law. Attended six weddings- one of them I was the Matron of Honor and helped to coordinate, one wedding I helped put together and did all of the flowers for, Hotstuff's brother and Grandfather got married, my sister got married and the final was a cousin that got married. Also, in that time my son was baptized. There were still family events, birthdays and holidays to attend to and celebrate. I spent my kids spring break typing my final papers and doing my homework while we were in California. And did I mention that I also have Fibromyalgia? Because I do.
This is not me trying to play martyr. Just because I went back to school didn't mean that anything else in my life had the ability to or could stop. I wasn't single or in my 20's anymore and I didn't have someone to pay for my life/ living expenses while I attended school. I had a life, priorities and responsibilities that still needed me. Going back meant putting on my big girl panties and getting things done.
People ask me: how did you do it?
My response: I don't know. I just did it.
In the end, after all of my hard work, late nights and missing my family, I was given a piece of paper, a massive student loan and a license plate cover letting the world know that I was now an alumni of my university. So with all of my accolades, what did a piece of paper and a massive student loan teach me?
1. I must agree with Audrey Hepburn, happy girls really do make the prettiest girls.
2. During Midterms and finals, all you really need is Diet Coke and Snickers. This is true of any stressful situation.
3. One of the very best shows ever is The X-files. It doesn't matter how old that shows is,... okay it's over 20 years old but the point is- That shit is still awesome!! and they solved all of it the old fashioned way: without Google, extra fancy schmancy technology or the constant use of a cell phone.
4. Binge watching on Netflix is a way of life and a wonderful therapy. Don't judge.
5. My Happy Place: the beach
6. We all have comfort foods and one should never underestimate the power of comfort foods.
7. Never underestimate the power of a good run or a good cry.
8. Speaking of a good cry... "There is no crying in Baseball!" but if you don't cry at least twice a semester, you are doing it wrong.
9. From Joe Simpson, author of "Touching the Void"; "Success is about choice... not chance."
If you have never heard his story, it is a must read!!!!
10. All good things worth doing will more than likely be the hardest thing you will ever do.
As you read through what I have learned, those lessons are the ones that you don't learn in a classroom. I may have just earned my college degree but there are lessons that will never be found in the class room and those are the best lessons of all.
What's next for me?? Just because I have graduated doesn't mean I am done and life will be just peachy from here on out. I still have to sit for my credentials and find a new and better job. I still have meals to cook, a house to clean, a job to do, children love and be a mom too, a Hotstuff to give some sweet, sweet lovin' to and some sanity to keep. And I must not forget about those student loans that will be knocking on my door, demanding payment in a couple of months.
Going back to school was worth it... every last C I earned, every paper I wrote, every new thing I learned, every train and smelly bus ride, walking in bad weather and good weather, every crappy test question- all of it. From start to finish, it was all worth it. But don't worry I didn't get all C's!
I made a decision out of desperate necessity and it has been one of the most important and best decisions of my life.
7. Never underestimate the power of a good run or a good cry.
8. Speaking of a good cry... "There is no crying in Baseball!" but if you don't cry at least twice a semester, you are doing it wrong.
9. From Joe Simpson, author of "Touching the Void"; "Success is about choice... not chance."
If you have never heard his story, it is a must read!!!!
10. All good things worth doing will more than likely be the hardest thing you will ever do.
As you read through what I have learned, those lessons are the ones that you don't learn in a classroom. I may have just earned my college degree but there are lessons that will never be found in the class room and those are the best lessons of all.
What's next for me?? Just because I have graduated doesn't mean I am done and life will be just peachy from here on out. I still have to sit for my credentials and find a new and better job. I still have meals to cook, a house to clean, a job to do, children love and be a mom too, a Hotstuff to give some sweet, sweet lovin' to and some sanity to keep. And I must not forget about those student loans that will be knocking on my door, demanding payment in a couple of months.
Going back to school was worth it... every last C I earned, every paper I wrote, every new thing I learned, every train and smelly bus ride, walking in bad weather and good weather, every crappy test question- all of it. From start to finish, it was all worth it. But don't worry I didn't get all C's!
I made a decision out of desperate necessity and it has been one of the most important and best decisions of my life.
