I have Fibromyalgia.
It is a very painful condition that affects my entire body.
I first learned of this condition about 11 years ago from a friend of mine who has this same disease. She described the pain as if she had been "beaten with a bag of nickels." I wasn't able to comprehend the idea of her pain but the thought of being beaten with a bag of nickels did sound painful.
One night, when Miss May was a little over a year old, I came home from the gym after a good workout. I laid down on the couch because my legs were hurting. I chalked it up to my workout and maybe I just didn't stretch good enough. Two weeks later the pain hadn't gone away. It took over a year for the doctor to come to any conclusion: it was possibly Fibromyalgia or Sympathetic Neuromuscular Dystrophy. Because of insurance reasons, I was never able to rule out the MS but as the years have gone by all signs are pointing to Fibromyalgia.
I have lived with this disease for many years now and I have been blessed that I have been able to manage the pain. Through diet and exercise I have been able to keep going. I recently started to train for a half marathon in June of next year.
This last week has been hard. Harder than what it has been in a very long time. It really does feel like I have been beaten with a bag of nickels. I have been dealing with spasms in my neck and back. They way the muscles all connect I have pain in my chest muscles, making it hard to breath. Every sneeze, every cough, every deep breath brings a great deal of pain. The pain has been unbearable and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I haven't been able to manage any of the pain and have missed a lot of work.
I am grateful for this pain, though. As a dear friend once told me: "The pain reminds me that I am still alive." Through all of this pain this week, I've found that I love my husband the most when I hurt the worst. I appreciate my children more and have been able to see them differently. I have been more patient with them. I have learned a great deal this week from the pain that I have been in. I have seen things I normally wouldn't have given a second thought to.
I feel like I have been beaten with a bag of nickels only to remind me that I am still alive.
